As a wise drag queen by the name of Katya once said, “Moral of the story: don’t be so fucking sensitive Mary. It’s a short life. Live it.” She may have tweeted this out a half hour ago, but by god, those words are so relevent to my life right now. (Side note, go listen to her podcast Whimsically Volatile, it’s been getting me through my days Barbara please those are the facts.)
Basically, these past two weeks I have been in a very dark place. I’ve been there before and I’ll probably go there again, but after the first time, I said to myself I wouldn’t stay there for an extended visit. So I identified the toxicity in my life and let it go, which in this case was my job. It was a very toxic enviornment and every morning I woke up with such a feeling of dread. I hated every second of it, and it started seeping into my life outside of work. I also felt unappreciated for my work, lonely, drained, and just a general feeling of ‘what is the point’. I was in a job that wasn’t helping anyone, I wasn’t making the slightest amount of difference in the world, which was a far cry from my last job as a substitute teacher which I absolutely LOVED to bits. I would pick fights just for the sake of it, cry every single night, and wallow in self loathing and despair, and generally just do very unhealthy things.
Rock bottom was this past weekend. My husband, trying to get me out of my funk, booked a last second trip to Cambridge. And the whole time I was there I was distant and moody, and started fighting with him over I don’t even know what anymore. Eventually we got to the topic of my job, and I lost it. I begged him to please don’t make me go back there. And like the perfect, amazing, and totally understanding human being he is, he said ok. He said that the most important thing was my happiness and my health, and those were both in jepordy, so we agreed it was time to move on and do something else. Now I was at an unpaid internship, so I’m not losing out on anything, but I don’t reccommend this if you don’t have a backup plan.
At the end of the day though your mental and physical health is the number one most important thing in the world, so just make sure you’re doing what makes you happy. And if it’s not where you’re at right now, then figure out what does make you happy. Seriously, go write down a list of the things that make you happy, and hopefully from there you can figure out how to make those things a part of your life every day. What makes me the happiest is animals, expressing my artistic expression, my family and health and wellness. My next step is figuring out how those things can help me live my best life. This week I’m going to be doing a lot of self-care, which for me means reading, looking at cats I’m going to adopt once I get an apartment, loving my husband unconditionally, giving my mom a call, working out, eating healthy and working on my blog. And then next week, it’s time to get down to business and take over the world. Life is too short to be stuck in a job you hate, or in a relationship you don’t want to be in anymore, or whatever!
And please remember that you’re never alone in this fire dumpster of a planet, and if you need to chat DM me on the instagram @rhiannonbegeal. I’ve been told I give pretty good advice. I am a scorpio after all.